You know who they are.

This story is close to my heart. And you don’t have to be gay or vegan to relate to this!

I have had a lifelong relationship with the topic.

I have been giving people who don’t know I exist, or who I don’t matter to, time and energy my entire life. I don’t know why. Well, I do now. But even knowing why I do it, I still do it sometimes. In fact, the reason I am writing this story now is that I recently realized I was doing this once again.

My process is similar to how it has been in the past. Long before I decide that the relationship doesn’t serve me anymore, I know that something is off. I may not know exactly what it is, but I know that this person doesn’t look at me the same way I look (or worship, celebrate, etc.) at them.

This isn’t about getting my ego stroked. It’s not about wanting to be liked, although I have dealt with that in my past. For me, it’s about realizing someone I am in a relationship with isn’t participating in the relationship. There are probably a dozen reasons that they aren’t, and none of them have anything to do with me. The relationship simply isn’t as important to them as it is to me.

Unless we have done something unkind or harmful to someone, their not participating in the relationship or not wanting a relationship on the same level as we do has nothing to do with us.

Nothing.

This means we move on. And yes, I know that this isn’t always easy, nor is it the first thing that typically comes to mind for some of us.

Moving on doesn’t mean we have to end the relationship. It means we take time to reevaluate it. We don’t have to end all connections on social media and delete them from our phones. We can acknowledge that the relationship is different; that we can move forward knowing that we do not need to keep putting time and energy into something that just isn’t.

It means we can stop going to the well knowing there’s no water.

And for me, it’s super-important to keep my side of the street clean, to keep the focus on me. I don’t need to judge someone or take inventory of them; I need to realize that they see the relationship differently, and I can stop putting so much time and energy into it.

Whew.

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Go vegan. Vote. Be kind.